For two and a half hours I let myself be entertained. I let myself escape into a world that had nothing to do with hospitals, doctors, medications, drainage tubes, sutures and bandages, and CANCER. I just let myself feel and react without thinking. I realized that all the pain I’d been experiencing had been ruling my life. Everything I did was affected by it because everything I did hurt. Don’t get me wrong, I hadn’t been lying around moaning and groaning. Feeling sorry for myself was not in the picture. I didn’t let pain or anything keep me down, but it was exhausting mentally and physically having to think about every move I’d make. My brain had been focusing on nothing but my body and how to manage to perform even the simplest of tasks. Just brushing my teeth was an event as leaning over the sink hurt, squeezing the toothpaste hurt, lifting my hand to my mouth to rinse hurt. Basically, every fu#king thing hurt!
So that day, when I watched Steve, and Martin, and Jerry perform their antics and tell their stories I laughed. It made my chest ache. It pulled at my sutures and tugged at my drains. It hurt and it felt SO good!