Feeling Joy

“I am determined to stay as positive as possible throughout this journey.”

I’m a pretty positive person. I try to find humor in every situation and I think I have an inner resilience that has served me well. Even when I was a little girl, I was always smiling and happy even though I was not the “picture of health.” I suffered terribly from the croup, had several bouts of pneumonia, ear problems…blah, blah, blah. I was also, EXTREMELY accident-prone. I was the kid who would walk off the top step into mid-air and fall down two flights to the basement floor. I’d walk into the corners of tables, miss the doorway and hit the wall and of course, I was the kid who put her tongue on the frozen railing to see if it actually would stick! I was soooooo bad, that my grandmother sat my Mom down and said “Don’t get too attached to her Marlene, I don’t think she’ll live to see her third birthday!”

Well, Nanny, I’m still here!!!!! And for the most part, I’m still smiling.

I’ve been pretty honest about my journey with breast cancer. I’ve shared the good, the bad and the UGLY. It hasn’t been easy. In fact, it’s been FU#KING hard, but I have been and remain to be, determined to not let this storm break my spirit. It has taken every ounce of energy to do so. Trust me, I am no hero. In fact, most of the time I am one big mess, but I am determined to stay as positive as possible throughout this journey.

It ain’t easy…but I have no choice. The world doesn’t stop just because you get cancer. You still have responsibilities and bills to pay. Life goes on with or without you.

“In the end what matters most is how well did you love, how well did you live, how well did you learn to let go.”

-DALAI LAMA

“I am a fighter. I am a survivor!”

I guess what I am trying to say is I have made a choice. I did that the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My choice is that I have been and will remain as positive and happy as I can. I will look at each day, as challenging as it might be, to try to find the good in it. Even if that “good” is something that most people wouldn’t even register. I will try to maintain my humor and I will celebrate all the good things I have in my life.

I will focus on the future and not the past. I will continue to push forward even if I miss a step and tumble to the floor. I’ve made it this far, despite my grandma’s predictions to the contrary. I am a fighter. I am a survivor!

– Patti

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