Karla: Navigating Intimacy and Stage 4 Breast Cancer

My Diagnosis

I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in late 2014 at the age of 49. I actually felt lucky to already be in menopause; otherwise, it would have meant one more monthly shot to put me into menopause.

Unexpected Side Effects

No one told me that once I had metastatic breast cancer, my sex life was likely to change. And since I was focused on surviving, it wasn’t top of mind. Only after treatment was underway did I realize the true “side effects”!

The Unspoken Challenges

When I did hear someone talk about sex after a diagnosis, it was medical practitioners discussing moisturizers and lubricants. While this is good practical information, it really wasn’t helpful.

I even went to an expert on women’s sexual health, and unfortunately, it didn’t help. She had nothing to offer me, but apparently, I taught her something new (Scream Cream is a big help). Great, maybe that will help other women that she sees, and I’m happy to help but still struggling to find my own solutions!

My Struggle

I struggled for years to find a way to get my “juice” back, but nothing worked. Maybe it’s cancer treatment, maybe it’s menopause; either way, it sucks. I’m dealing with vaginal atrophy and lack of libido. The loss of my libido is the biggest problem. I can find ways around the lack of vaginal moisture, but I can’t find a way to feel like doing something I don’t feel like doing!

Sex was always really important to me, and I had a high sex drive. I just couldn’t reckon with this new me. This woman who no longer felt like having sex was a stranger to me.

The Search for Answers

I fought this for years. I searched and searched and talked to every doctor or practitioner who would talk to me and many of them I talked to over and over again (and still do). I tried acupuncture. I tried the Mona Lisa Touch procedure. I tried all the moisturizers and lubricants. I tried supplements that were deemed safe to take by my integrative oncologist. Nothing worked.

I finally gave up and thought perhaps by accepting this situation, something might change. Acceptance is great, but it didn’t change anything except my mindset and the amount of time I spent pursuing this particular issue.

A New Perspective

Recently, I heard a sex and intimacy therapist say something I’ve never heard before. She said that we must first deal with the grief. The grief of the diagnosis and all that we have lost because of it. She also said it had to be dealt with as a couple and that both partners would have grief to process. That was a perspective that made a lot of sense.

I had long ago grieved the loss of my breast (after my bilateral mastectomy in 2004) and my body image due to the scars on my belly and breast from the reconstruction. I knew my body would never look the same again, and I accepted that. It made me wish I had worn bikinis in my youth instead of one-pieces that hid my surgery scars from a kidney removal. I went “back to normal” after that surgery and the chemo and radiation. I bounced from chemo-induced menopause and out again, never losing my libido. But eleven years later, I didn’t bounce back. My sex life as I once knew it was over. It made me really sad.

Next Steps

I need to do the grief work this new therapist recommended (but she is in NJ, and I’m not, so she can’t help me. Ugh! Another stupid rule that only hurts people and doesn’t seem to help anyone!). Maybe then I can find more peace in this change and learn to schedule sex with my husband instead of wishing it would spontaneously happen!

Discovery

This journey has been challenging, but it has also been one of discovery. While I haven’t found all the answers, I am determined to keep exploring, learning, and embracing the changes in my life with grace and resilience.

Connect with Me

If my story resonates with you or if you’re facing similar challenges, I’d love to hear from you. Whether you’re seeking support, looking for someone who understands, or simply want to share your own journey, I’m here:

• Instagram: @‌Karla.mansgiroux

• Facebook: KarlaMansGirouxKMGCoach

• LinkedIn: Karla Mans Giroux

• Email: karla.mansgiroux@gmail.com

A Message from Learn Look Locate

At Learn Look Locate, Karla’s courageous battle against breast cancer touches our hearts deeply. We are honored to share her story, offering a platform for survivors to come together, learn, and find solace in one another’s experiences. Through our diverse range of resources, including Karla’s survivor narrative, our mission is to empower individuals at every phase of their cancer journey. We proudly stand by Karla and all those who demonstrate remarkable courage, celebrating their strength and reminding the world that hope shines brightest, even amidst life’s greatest trials.