The best way to move forward is the let go of the people holding you back.
We’ve all had that one ex that we compare every man to, and put on that pedestal when we know full well, he was a complete jerk. We all had that one friend we keep around, even though everything always revolves around her and her drama. We all had that one crazy family member, who is convinced she is a liberal hippie that cares about the environment and helping others in need, except for the big important factor that she is extremely selfish and only cares about how many followers she gets on instagram. Or who can forget that one family friend who is a hypochondriac and always has to one-up you. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why can’t we learn how to let go of someone, even when we know they are no longer good for us?
To help us answer these questions, I have created 5 commandments to help us realize when a relationship is no longer good for us.
1. Thou shall not stay in the relationship if you are harboring grudges.
Holding onto anger is like holding a pile of rocks. Eventually it will get heavy enough and come toppling down. Yes, this is a metaphor for your relationship falling to pieces. It is just a matter of time before it happens. The past is over and done with, all you have control over is what you do in the present. If you have done all you could to make up for your mistakes and grudges are still there, then there is nothing more you can do. Let it go.
2. Thou shall not stay in the relationship if it is unbalanced ALL the time.
If you find yourself constantly giving yourself away to others without getting anything back, resentment can start to build which gets in the way of a healthy relationship. There is no reason to actively resent another person. It doesn’t harm the other person as much as it will harm you. Try not to waste your energy on someone who clearly doesn’t care about you.
3. Thou shall not stay in the relationship if the person causes more harm than good.
If you find the person is judging you instead of supporting you, that is definitely causing more harm than good. When you see this person, if they invoke feelings of anxiety, anger, or even fear, this is not a good relationship to be in. A good relationship helps celebrate your triumphs and sits with you in the dark during your hardest times. If you feel this person is causing more harm than good in your life, maybe it’s time to let that person go.
4. Thou shall not stay in the relationship if that person’s toxicity is rubbing off on you.
Everyone has that one person who is either negative all the time or constantly quoting positive affirmations. I’m sorry but no one wants to hear about f*cking silver linings when your mom just died. No Aunt Karen, I do not care that we got a discount on mom’s coffin! The company you keep can have a major impact on your personality and the way you react to situations. If the company you keep is shallow and negative all the time, you too could become shallow and negative all the time. Life is too short to dislike the company you keep. Choose wisely.
5. Thou shall not stay in the relationship if that person is DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA.
As a society we have been conditioned to view drama as a good thing. Drama means passion, passion means we care, so this person must really care about me because they are super dramatic. NO! NO! NO! What we see in the media are often neurotic, dysfunctional, and drama-driven relationships. Why is this? Because drama sells. Drama makes the ratings go up. But all this drama isn’t good for us. Just because someone is dramatic it does not mean they are just being emotional. Do not confuse emotional with shallowness or attention seeking. So how do we avoid this negative and dramatic behavior? 1. Don’t let their drama become your problem. 2. Set boundaries. 3. Make yourself your first priority. 4. Stay calm. 5. Physically remove yourself from the situation.
Bottom line, if the person is a jerk, selfish or an energy vampire, it may be time to reevaluate the people you keep in your circle. Letting go is hard, especially if you are letting go of someone that has been in your life for a while. It is definitely a process and one that you should move at your own pace and timeline. And you are allowed to grieve those relationships that no longer serve you. Just because they no longer are beneficial for you now, doesn’t mean they weren’t once. Take the good parts of the relationships and move on. Dump the users and the losers. The more you start focusing on you and what you deserve, the more positive and supportive people will appear in your corner.