Jessica’s Journey: Navigating Stage 3 Breast Cancer, Homeschool, and Chores During Covid

Unexpected Diagnosis of Stage 3 Breast Cancer

In June of 2019, I was newly remarried and looking forward to moving into the historic home I’d been remodeling. The kids were excited because this meant stability for them. I got my first big job after 15 years of being a stay-at-home mom: an associate producer on a sports documentary I was really excited about. But, one day I felt a lump.

One of my dearest friends, Kelli, had recently been diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer. Some of our friends pulled together what we labeled her ‘Tits Ahoy’ party, the night before she was to go in for her double-mastectomy. At the party, I told her I had felt something. In true Kelli fashion she felt me up on the middle of her party… and looked at me very serious (she was never serious) and told me to get it checked out ASAP.

Fast forward a month…and I, too, was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. It had already found its way to my lymph nodes, and was growing at a rate 3X what is considered aggressive. I had the hard task of telling my husband and kids and family… and before I could blink, I was having port insertion surgery.

Facing Aggressive Breast Cancer Treatment with Courage and Humor

Since my cancer was already so advanced, my oncologist ordered chemo first. The goal was to shrink the tumor and stop any further growth before surgery. So, I chopped my long hair off into a pixie cut, and after my first round of The Red Devil, we had a ‘head shaving party’ to shave the rest of it off. It was starting to fall out anyway! I tried to make it fun and funny for everyone else, because, honestly, the loss of my hair was going to be nothing compared to what was up ahead.

The red devil made me horribly ill, and I barely made it to my brother’s wedding that October. I spent most of the night sitting in a back room, because I wanted all the attention to be on him and his husband… not on me being sick. I had mouth sores and nausea and was starting to blow up like a balloon due to steroids. I wore a ‘real hair’ wig that cost me over a thousand dollars, because I didn’t want the family photos to remind people I was sick.

Enduring the Challenging Road to Recovery

The next few months were a blur. I finished the Red Devil and then moved on to Taxol… where I would sit during chemo sessions with my hands and feet in buckets of ice, to try to prevent neuropathy (it didn’t work). Friends and family came to sit with me most rounds, but when I got home it just started feeling very lonely. No one knows what it feels like to have literal poison running through your veins, when each session is bringing you closer and closer to death.

Navigating Life’s Unexpected Turns During Cancer Treatment

During that time, Kelli and I became even closer. We were both jacked up on steroids and couldn’t sleep, so we finally just stopped texting each other and would talk on the phone for hours in the middle of the night.

When I finally finished IV chemo, it was time for me to have surgery. And then Covid hit. The doctors wouldn’t give me my desired double-mastectomy, because the left side was considered ‘elective.’ My breast surgeon called me the night before surgery and told me I could opt out if I wished. She was in tears. I said – No, we are going through with this. I want to get the cancer out of my body.

The single mastectomy showed that my cancer was again, an over-achiever. It had actually grown throughout chemo, rather than shrinking. I’ve always been an over-achiever (first-born only daughter), so this was not much of a surprise to me.

Coping with Loss and Finding Resilience

Then, I underwent 30 rounds of radiation. In the middle of this, Kelli passed away. Due to Covid she wasn’t able to see her sons, husband and mom for weeks when she was laying there in the hospital. We had started out treatment on the same protocol. I will never understand why it was her and not me that lost their battle. She literally saved my life by encouraging me to get that lump checked out.

The day after she passed, I went to radiation sobbing, and a new radiation tech asked me if I was ok and why I was so sad. I told her about Kelli, and turns out- she was Kelli’s radiation tech and had just transferred to my hospital! We both shed a tear together… she didn’t realize Kelli had passed… and she was my favorite radiation tech going forward… because some can be kind of mean. I know that Kelli somehow arranged that for me.

After radiation was over, I started 6 more months of oral chemo. And if anyone tells you that is easier- they are lying. I also did 8 more rounds of IV chemo in conjunction with the oral chemo.

Long story short- I was only a candidate for the DIEP Flap reconstruction, due to all the radiation I had. The expander didn’t work stretching my skin, because it had basically been turned into scar tissue.

I eventually had my major 10-1/2 hour surgery in May of 2021. I had to have three subsequent revision surgeries, as well as a surgery to remove my ovaries, and an additional exploratory surgery to try to figure out why my tumor markers are still so high (they still don’t know- I’m a medical mystery!).

Embracing Life as a Cancer Thriver

Right now, I feel pretty much back to normal. My marriage fell apart because my husband couldn’t deal with me having cancer. My two older kids are now in college and seem happy. I still have horrible neuropathy and bone pain from Arimidex, and will eventually have to have spinal surgery to repair the damage that radiation made. I’m starting to date again, which is a challenge because I struggle with the point at which I should tell someone that I’m an advanced cancer survivor. So, I just put it out there first and foremost. If you are brave enough to be with a woman as brave as me- that’s worth a lot!!! And I recently went to my pool in a bikini that didn’t hide ALL of my scars (and there are a lot!).

I get stronger every day. And this breast cancer community is more uplifting than anything I’ve ever experienced. Worst club, best members. I’m here for anyone who wants to vent or ask for advice or just cry. I’ll never be officially ‘cancer-free’ but for today, I’m in remission and I’m going to live and love HARD.

I’m Jessica, and I’m a THRIVER.

A Message from Learn Look Locate

At Learn Look Locate, Jessica’s courageous journey as a breast cancer thriver deeply resonates with us. Her unwavering strength, and resilience in the face of adversity inspire us all. We are honored to share her story, providing a platform for survivors like Jessica to come together, learn, and find solace in one another’s experiences. Through our resources, including personal narratives like Jessica’s, we strive to empower individuals at every stage of their cancer journey. We stand in solidarity with Jessica and all those who bravely navigate the challenges of breast cancer, celebrating their resilience and reminding everyone that even in the darkest moments, hope prevails.