Written by my blogger who calls herself “The Rookie”
Bye Bye Cruise Control
So before the cancer, I was a very different person. I was content. I had a long view and I definitely appreciated my life, which was pretty normal. Spent days working a day job, evenings and weekends with friends or family. I exercised daily and travelled when and as I pleased (pre Covid) and hoped for Prince Charming with all the Cinderella Syndrome I could muster.
My health was good. A few genetic hits here and there but all manageable and nothing life threatening or, fortunately, even life altering.
When I heard about someone else’s cancer I felt sympathy, sorrow for them and silent relief for me. That might sound selfish, I get it, but it’s true. And it’s human. We’re always a tad relieved that bad stuff happened to the other guy until we realize to someone else we are that “other guy.”
Then Cancer. CANCER. The thing that happens to other people was now fully, 100%, unequivocally in my wheelhouse. And now, a year later, I’m grateful to put “NED” after my name. Ironically, as I write this, it’s exactly one year ago today I got my port.
So who was I before compared to who I am now? I was on auto pilot in all the good ways. I was grateful for my health and I’m still really angry I got cancer. I’m not the person who comes out of this thankful it happened cause now I can truly appreciate every moment. I could have done that perfectly fine without he Vance. Trust me! I knew how dear life is and I never took it for granted.
Now it’s bye bye cruise control. That’s what I miss the most. I miss the person who got to sail through her days, months and years without a sea of “What Ifs.”
P.S. Prince Charming did show up… some fairytales do come true. ❣️